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fuck puk !!!!!'s Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
fuck puk !!!!!

[ website | teenage wasteland. ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[21 Aug 2002|08:26pm]

2 french films| about trains.

[21 Aug 2002|07:55pm]
bye bye journal.
it's been fun.
add me. i most likely added you..but if i didn't..do it.
1 french film| about trains.

[20 Aug 2002|05:22pm]

whoa. look how cool i am standing alone holding a beer. with fattadoor at the door. ahaha
more madness.Collapse )
11 french films| about trains.

you're the peice of gold. [20 Aug 2002|03:46pm]
[ mood | false. ]

the weather today is making me feel like im living my life in a movie. like i am the main character and all the people outside are just watching each scene of my life flash by before their eyes. I walked to the deli today to get a sandwhich. I explained to the woman working what being a vegan ment, and she just sort of stared at me like i was some kind of freak. She asked me what point i was trying to make with the way i styled my hair. Needless to say, i don't think i'll be going back to that deli again. i was looking around at my stupid town, and all the famlies in theyre mini vans, and all the girls with the same hairstyle, all wearing different shades of the same color. I wanted to hide in a bush and vomit. i'm so sick of living this plain, boring life. i don't even have any friends really who live in the same city as me, and it's so depressing when i really start to think about it. I walked by my ex boyfriends appartment, and i stared to see myself in the eight grade again. how i was so happy, but at the same time i hated everyone, and everything so much. And then i saw myself on the first day of ninth grade where i would refuse to look at, touch, or think about food. I have come such a long way, but then in some ways..i'm still the same exact girl i have always been. Every window i walked by, i stared at myself and i analyzed myself. Which hair fell where, how big the jeans made my ass look, what color my fingernails were painted. I shouldn't be this nieve. this antisocial. i shouldn't be like this. and to tell you the truth, i don't really know why i am. I'm just sitting here, in the same pants i wear at least four times a week listening to the same music i always do, typing with the same fingers as yesterday..and so on and so on. Nothing ever gets better, or makes me feel worth it. i just want it to all be different, and to all stop its constant clutter.

4 french films| about trains.

and dry. [20 Aug 2002|02:39am]
[ mood | washed. ]

we just held hands in my head.
and you pressed your ear to my heart and i told you.
"the only thing keeping those beats constant, is you".
i told you it was my last moment. death was upon me shortly.
all you said was "i love you".
my cheeks start to hurt because i smile so much seeing you in my head.
and my arms start to hurt because im holding myself when you're not around.

i could live my life this way.
with the walls up between us.
i could live my life this way.
with your hand in my pocket.
could you live your life this way?
with me on the other end.
could you live your life this way?
like a never-ending movie that no one pays to see.

1 french film| about trains.

everybody wants to be hollywood. [19 Aug 2002|04:58pm]
[ mood | vain. ]

i got bored and cut my hair. i dont know how different it looks in the pictures..but in real life, it's fucking non exsistant.

mmhmm.Collapse )

18 french films| about trains.

[18 Aug 2002|09:50pm]
[ mood | orgasm. ]

jesus christ. peanut butter zig zag soy delecious is almost as good as sex, but better.
okay. bye.

13 french films| about trains.

[18 Aug 2002|08:33pm]
[ mood | fucking groovin' ]

holy shit. i just chopped the fuck out of my hair.
i will go see hot hot heat/the pattern if it is the last thing i do.
soy delecious with a fork beats your ass.
"hello fatty. i like your belly"

about trains.

[18 Aug 2002|01:59pm]
so i have a fat hamster wallet.
i am a loud drunk.
and i smell really fucking bad.
ps. santos loves me :)
2 french films| about trains.

[17 Aug 2002|04:20am]
so uh.
he loves me.
9 french films| about trains.

as for me im coming to the final chapter. [17 Aug 2002|12:59am]
[ mood | weird. ]

god i love pasadena.
and "Get out of Hell" cards.
and smoking way too many cigarettes.
and stealing Bright Eyes postcards.
and ties with dresses.
and skinny punk rock boys.
and jamba juice with only cranberries and ice.
and pretending my name is Lux.
and blasting The Faint in my car.

1 french film| about trains.

the pulse of my brain reaks of pain. [16 Aug 2002|02:07am]
[ mood | glued. ]

i'm begining to think, that when i tell you i love you, in a cute sort of playful way, i really mean it. and i'm begining to see your reflection in every mirror, every window, every spoon i pick up. when we say our good-byes, i seem to feel a peice of me go with you. and i just cling on to the blankets and close my eyes until i can get your voice out of my head. when you tell me that you're going to call to wake me up, i seem to want to close my eyes at that very moment and just fast foward to the next morning. i will never be able to tell you how amazing this feels, and how horribly bad i just want you to tell me the words, instead of mumble them under your beautiful breath. and when our words seem to just jumble together, and we finish eachothers sentences, there is this shock of electricity that shoots down my spine,and i seem to feel your presance in the room and i feel okay at that very moment. i wish that i could just kiss your lips, and become everything you've ever wanted. i would be your clay and you could make me however you want. i wish i could just tell you how happy i would make you, and how i wouldn't ever let anyone make you cry, and that i'm sorry for the things i said, and the way i ignored you that night.

the feelings have creeped up so fast that we don't know how to blow them out. so common' baby, let's just keep going this way.


2 french films| about trains.

expo. [15 Aug 2002|09:27pm]
[ mood | phat. ]

so i just stuck an expo marker in my mouth on accident, and now my tounge is black. hmm. hot? I think, yes.
I miss my wife. I havn't talked to her really at all today. <3heather.
rachel + jessica came over today. i cut rachels hair more, and we ate a lot of food, and watched The Virgin Suicides, and Fight Club.
Fucking christ. the things i would do to brad pitt.
Rachel and I went to Big!Lots and found our future furnature. It was fucking gold. it was the hottest shit i've ever seen in my entire life.
..bah, i leave for maui in less than a week. i really don't think i'm down with this vacation, especially since i hate the sun, and that's going to mean five days without any way of communication with anyone here. oh bah.
haha, it's funny..my mom is talking to me, but i have headphones on. I can hear it, this just gives me an excuse to ignore her.
god i love being beth cosentino.

1 french film| about trains.

[15 Aug 2002|12:27pm]
[ mood | whoa. ]

god, i feel like such a thirteen year old girl.
When i hear the fucking breath he breathes, i turn a darker shade of red. and my head begins to feel a little lighter. and when he says my name is that little boy voice, i just want to go and hold him forever. and when he plays those games with me like..
him: "guess what?"
me: "what?"
him: "i..i..i..nevermind"
i want to fucking just grab on to him a little tighter and never let him go. it hasn't felt this good, this natural..this wonderful in such a long time, it almost scares me.
"every breath that is in your lungs, is a tiny little gift to me."

5 french films| about trains.

[14 Aug 2002|03:32pm]
The phone slips from a loose grip
Words were missed then, some apology
I didn’t want to tell you this
No, it’s just some guy she's been hanging out with
I don’t know, the past couple weeks I guess
Well, thank you and hang up the phone
Let the funeral start
Hear the casket close
Let’s pin split-black ribbon to your overcoat
Well, laughter pours from under doors
In this house, I don’t understand that sound no more
It seems artificial, like a T.V. set
Well, haligh, haligh, haligh, haligh
This weight it must be satisfied
You offer only one reply
You know not what you do
But you tear and tear your hair from roots
From that same head you have twice removed now
A lock of hair you said would prove
Our love would never die
Well ha ha ha
I remember everything
The words we spoke on freezing South Street
And all those mornings watching you get ready for school
You combed your hair inside that mirror
The one you painted blue and glued with jewelry tears
Something about those bright colors
would always make you feel better
But now we speak with ruined tongues
And the words we say aren’t meant for anyone
It’s just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance
But there was once you
You said you hate my suffering
And you understood
And you’d take care of me
You'd always be there
Well where are you now?
Haligh, haligh, haligh, haligh
The plans were never finalized
But left to hang like yarn and twine
Dangling before my eyes
As you tear and tear your hair from roots
From that same head you have twice removed
A lock of hair you said would prove
Our love would never die
And I sing and sing of awful things
The pleasure that my sadness brings
As my fingers press onto the strings
In yet another clumsy chord
Haligh, haligh, an awful lie
This weight will now be satisfied
I'm gonna give you only one reply
I know not who I am
But I talk in the mirror
To the stranger that appears
Our conversations are circles
Always one sided
Nothing is clear
Except we keep coming back
To this meaning that I lack
He says the choices were given
Now I must live them
Or just not live
But do you want that?

..eat that. i hate you more than you'll ever know.
11 french films| about trains.

oh my fucking whoa. [14 Aug 2002|01:55am]
[ mood | giddy. ]

complete, and total, sex.

13 french films| about trains.

[14 Aug 2002|12:38am]
cassandra steadierfooting and i decided that we need to clone connor oberst. We are the offical Connor Oberst society.
fuck, could you imanage having your own connor. my god. i love him so much i cant even fathom it. wow. <333333
<33333333 to cassandraaaaaaa!
2 french films| about trains.

get go. [13 Aug 2002|09:33pm]
[ mood | pms. ]

> -- Name : bethany sharayah jewish mom fucking cosentino, bitches.
> -- Birthday : november third nineteen eighty-six.
> -- Birthplace : glendale, ca.
> -- Current Location: glendale, ca.
> -- Eye Color : hazel.
> -- Hair Color : black.
> -- Righty or Lefty : right.
> -- Zodiac Sign : scorpio.
> -- Innie or Outtie : innie.
> [ series 2 - your favorite ]
> -- Music : recentaly its been all about i am spoonbender, blood brothers, and bright eyes.
> -- Cartoon: pepperann.
> -- Color: black.
> -- Slushy Flavor : blueberry.
> -- TV Show : i dont watch tv.
> -- Font : eh.
> -- Song : "haligh, haligh, a lie, haligh"//bright eyes.
> -- Book: the catcher in the rye.
> -- Children's Book: the one that was called "everyone poops" or something .ahah.
> -- Language : uh, the only one i speak.
> -- Food & Beverage: hummus and rice. and vanilla coke.
> -- Subject in School: english.
> -- Weekend Activity : cutting my hair. and talking to my hot n sexy online lovers.
> -- Ice Cream Flavor : soy delicious peanut butter zig zag.
> -- Roller Coaster : space mountian.
> -- Fast Food Restaurant: del taco.
> -- Animal: kittys.
> -- Store: forever 21.
> -- Shampoo: panteene pro-v bitch.
> -- Number: 5.
> -- Movie: ghostworld, american beauty, the royal tenenbaums.
> -- Actor/Actress: thora birch.
>--Hobby: cigarettes.
>--Breakfast Cereal: ew.
> [ series 3 - what is ]
> -- Your most overused phrase on aol : "aww"
> -- The first thing you thought of when you woke up this
morning : "why the fuck does my dad keep calling?"
> -- The last image/thought you go to sleep with : "wow, he's so fucking cute"
> -- The first feature you notice in the opposite : eyes.
> -- The Best Name for a Butler : george.
> -- The wussiest sport : your mom.
> -- Your best feature : my eyes.
> -- Your bedtime : never.
> -- Your greatest fear : spiders.
> -- Your greatest accomplishment : getting over fuckface cunt boy.
> -- Your most missed memory : 9th grade best friends.
> -- In your cd player now?: fevers and mirrors.
> -- Your favorite car?: your ass.
> -- The one thing you would change about yourself?: thinner.
> [ series 4 - who is ]
> -- Your Best friend(s)?: they know who they are.
> -- Your biggest crush?: matthew.
> -- The last person that called you?: someone whos number i didnt know, so i didn't pick up.
> -- On your buddy list?: a million people i don't know.
> [ series 5 - do you ]
> -- Take a shower everyday? : never.
> -- Have a(any) crush(es)? : yeah.
> -- Do you think you've been in love? : fuck love. i guess i was one day. but fuck that shit.
> -- Want to go to college : yeah.
> -- Want to get married : i already am.
> -- Type with your fingers on the right keys? : no.
> -- Believe in yourself? : sometimes.
>-- Have any tattoos/where? : not yet.
> -- Have any piercings/where? : my ears. my nose. my belly button. and soon killa' my labrettttt.
> -- Get motion sickness? : sometimes.
> -- Think you're a health freak? : haha fuck that.
> -- Get along with your parents? : sometimes.
> -- Like thunderstorms? : no.
> -- Drink?: not very much anymore.
> [ series 6 - the future ]
> -- Age you hope to be married : 19.
> -- Number and Names of Children : 2, riley, and luke.
> -- Where do you see yourself at age 20? : possibly dead.
> -- Describe your Dream Wedding : no.
> -- How do you want to die? : im going to get raped. i know it.
> -- What do you want to be when you grow up? : someone who works with little kids.
> -- What country would you most like to visit?: japan.
> [ series 7 - opposite ]

> -- Best eye color? : blue.
> -- Best hair color? : dark.
> --Short or long hair? : messy.
> -- Best height? : tall.
> -- Best weight? : i like em scrawny.
> -- Best articles of clothing? : tight mutha fuckin jeans.
> -- Best first date location? : an arcade. haha fuck, i'd marry them.
> -- Best first kiss location? : who cares.
> { series 8 - other ]
> -- When's the last time you slept with a stuffed animal? nah.
>> -- How many rings until you answer the phone? : i dont.
> -- What's on your mouse pad? : its blue.
> -- How many houses have you lived in? : 3.
>-- How many schools have you gone to? : 5.
> -- What color is your bedroom carpet? : shit brown.
> -- Would you shave your head for $5,000 dollars? : no.
> -- If you were to own a bar or restaurant what would you
name it? : poo ping. ahahahahaha.
> -- Have you ever run from the cops?: no.
> -- If you were stranded on a desert island and you could
only take three things with you what would you take? : a boy, music, and hummus.
> -- If there was a movie made of your life, who would play
you?: jenna malone. shes fucking hawt shit bro.

1 french film| about trains.

[13 Aug 2002|03:15am]
[ mood | parted to the side. ]

i guess that two wrongs, make a right.
i can't take the uncontrolable way that when we talk, i want to scream out "i love you".
when you leave, my heart just falls to rest, and i can't wait for the next night when you ask, "do you want to talk on the phone?".
i didn't think i'd ever feel this way about someone who was exactaly like me, but i do.
it hurts me when you tell me you don't know what you want, or that in order to be with me, you need to see me everyday. we both know it wouldn't work out that way.
i just wish you would understand how much i am willing to give you. that i would do anything for you.
the way you laugh literaly brings me my daily feeling of life.
i promised myslef i wouldn't let you do it again, but is it really your fault that i was hurt? or is it mine?
im very content with the way things are now, but i just wish you would let me push them a little closer together.
oh god, stop me. i think i might be falling towards the letter "L" again.

2 french films| about trains.

how i dont know what to do. [12 Aug 2002|09:46pm]
[ mood | extracted. ]

so i guess i should be happy. but i don't know what to call the way i feel.
i convinced my mom to let me get my labret peirced, which is a good thing.
i kinda feel like im being pushed out of peoples lives, and they're ways. i feel like extra "baggage" to people. and it's really hard for me to figure out just what really is happening in my life, and who actually means something to me, and who is just there, to be there. this whole matt situation is really confussing me, because i don't know what we are..and i don't know what to think of it..and i know if i bring it up to him, he'll just avoid the subject like he always has.
sitting here and listening to this song is taking me back to the days in the park, in his arms, smelling our presance in the air. i hate it. i hate him so much i can't even express this feeling i have for him anymore. it's so weird how one day i would have given my life for him. now i don't give a fuck.
it's so heartbreaking to look at myself in the mirror and just see the past five years flash by me and not even be able to comprehend how much i have changed..for the better, but a lot, for the worse.
i just wish i could go back to the days where i was in preschool and i took gymnastics as a class, and they taught us to do kartwheels, and gave us juice boxes after nap time.
this whole being a teenager thing really just freaks me out.
i dont like this. one bit. not at all.
"your lover is an actress"

the end.

14 french films| about trains.

score !!! [12 Aug 2002|03:29pm]
[ mood | ahahaha. ]

jennuevintage: sweeetie, i really can't go on with this right now. there are more kids out there without it then with it. I think it's not attractive and I don't want you to have one. Not now, not ever. lets' just stick with the nose piercing for now OK? alot of girls don't even have that. I just don't want your face pierced up and that's all there is to it. it doen't matter what the era is. the generation gap doesn't matter and i don't think i would pierce my face if I were 16 today, because I have too much respect for my face than to put holes in it.
jennuevintage: i'm superman.
jennuevintage: which man are you?
flow disruption: girl who is going to get her labret peirced
jennuevintage: panio men. that should be the song.
flow disruption: no there should be asong that goes..
flow disruption: terri jen let bethany sharayh get her labret periced it would be so hot.
jennuevintage: that would be rated and labeled on the cover "Parental caution--do not let children get this done."

im the fucking funniest person, a live.
..haha..asking my mom to take me to get my labret peirced is the highlight of my day. she is online freaking out on me and telling me she thinks i will look "freaky" with it. haha this is the greatest conversation i've ever had in my life.
well guess what mom?! I'M DOING IT ANYWAYS!!!!!!
eee. rebel. ;)

10 french films| about trains.

[12 Aug 2002|04:10am]
i hope you choke on her cum and hear my screams when you fuck her. fucking cunt.
16 french films| about trains.

sharing a drink they call lonlieness. [11 Aug 2002|08:26pm]
[ mood | torn. ]

for all the i loves you i ever gave to you.
here is a huge slap in the face.
you might as well have thrown me out of a moving car, and watched the trucks tear my poor young body apart.

about trains.

lips. [11 Aug 2002|01:44pm]
[ mood | confussed ]

i woke up this morning with the worst pain in my stomach i have ever felt in my entire life.
it wasn't even like a sick feeling, it was just a lonely, hurt, pain.
i was up until 330am talking to him, and i just don't want what happened to happen again. i'm very aghast about the whole situation, but maybe i just shouldn't worry, at all.
oh blah.

2 french films| about trains.

[11 Aug 2002|02:55am]
so we're back where we started.
but it's giving me a reason to smile.
and all these hours that i'm up staring at the ceiling, i hear your voice on the phone.
..bethy, welcome back to crushville.
;/ <3
7 french films| about trains.

screaming inside the bathub. [10 Aug 2002|09:51pm]
[ mood | surgery. ]

because the words are being forced to stay in my mouth.
we used to splash in puddles, and spin around in circles until we couldnt see straight.
and i don't like the fickleness in your smile, or the way you press your fingers on the keys.
i guess i forgot what it's like to forget.
i remember what its like to fall down.
the drugs you took eased the pain.
the drugs i take keep me awake.
everywhere i go, there is another shadow walking two steps behind me.
it never speaks to me.
the vagueness is caving in.
the life style of two foreign tongues.
i'm running out of memory space.
you're taking it all away.

2 french films| about trains.

[10 Aug 2002|12:05pm]
[ mood | sleepy. ]

oh my geeze.
good ole' times in the cosentino house last night.
dance parties in underwear to the faint, laughing at ugly people, cutting peoples hair and dying it purple, having girl talk, eating food, and staying up until 630 this morning.
ah it's so nice to have my best friends back.
last night was fun. cortney, martine, and jackie are so hot..i love them.
i am a jewish, chainsmoking, crack whore mother..and i love my daughtors cortney and martine.
the locust scare me. and lighting bolt is NOT named "sliding pole".
oh, and operation "make matt like me again" was in full affect babyyyy.
okay, i have had 5 hours of sleep and im dieing. goodbye.

17 french films| about trains.

whooooo are you..whooo whooo whoo whooo? [09 Aug 2002|05:10pm]
[ mood | crazzzzzzzy. ]

rachel and beth are back together being goofier then ever. BUTTT WOMEEEEN!!
we be da hoes a hoova.
ohh bebe.Collapse )

13 french films| about trains.

[09 Aug 2002|12:10pm]
guess what?
i don't give a fuck anymore.
tonight, i am a jewish mom...part 2.
4 french films| about trains.

[08 Aug 2002|01:32pm]
okay! top 10 reasons why this day already sucked, and it's only 1:32pm.

10. Woke up late..couldn't take a shower=my hair being fucking dirtier then all hell, and i'm going out tonight.
9. couldn't find anything to wear..cut a shirt, uneven..cut my finger in the process of it.
8. was late for work..ran up there as fast as i could..fell in a puddle on the way.
7. tryed to get in the store..FAILED. I was there from 100 to right now trying SO fucking hard to get in, but i couldnt. the locks must have been stuck, or something.
6. I was being followed by a really scary man in a blue truck on my way home.
5. i locked myself out of the house. I had to crawl through the doggy door.
4. i cant get a hold of my mom. ive called her 14-9859890 times and she dosnt answer her fucking phones. then i come online, and she dosnt answer my ims.
3. i dropped my notbook on my way home from work..years of writing, GONE.
2. there were ants ALL over my kitchen counter when i walked in, i couldn't even see it.
and number one.
1. the air conditioner is broken. again.
yeah, fuck this..this day is going to keep on getting bad.
4 french films| about trains.

die. [08 Aug 2002|12:01pm]
[ mood | pissy ]

i wonder if stupid face boy misses me as much as i miss him..?
i wonder if he lays in his stupid sheets and hears my voice, like i hear his between my bed sheets..?
i wonder if when he watches Ghostworld, he remebers all the parts i laughed at..?
i wonder if when he bites another girls lip, he really pretends he's still biting mine..?
Blood Brothers, Tonight..see me..say hi, or die.

5 french films| about trains.

its a mad house. [07 Aug 2002|03:32pm]
[ mood | damn. ]

the stale coffee.
in the cup of my life.
tipped over.
and fell on my shoes.
now i have nothing.
and my shoes..
are wet.

4 french films| about trains.

[07 Aug 2002|01:39am]

seems artifical like a t.v set.
2 french films| about trains.

it better be comfortable. [07 Aug 2002|12:35am]
[ mood | big. ]

i try to sleep. and i go from rags to riches. the telephone is ringing, but my legs can't reach the floor. my eyes begin to close, but i hear another sound. you're voice whispers in my ear, "baby..i just wanna love you one more time" and i whipser back, "baby...i just want you to always be mine"

...i had a mental breakdown today. my mom was driving me up to my dads place, and i just broke down, and started crying like a fucking baby. it's really painful to feel like i need to please so many people, but not even know how. and i hate that i can't even be at my dads house and feel comfortable. it's like when im there, i wanna scream..i hate it so much. anyways..yeah..i lost it..and it wasn't too good.
i went and saw signs with my dad after i felt better, and it was really fucking lame. it wasn't even scary..at all.
I'm eating soy delecious, and wearing and 80s off the shoulder sweater. bah.
i can't wait to see martine and cortney TWICE this weekend. ahh. it's gunna be a blast.
anyways. im stoping because i feel faint.
ps. I hope matt chokes on a cock.

6 french films| about trains.

[05 Aug 2002|08:37pm]
okay. so i lied. i'm not happy. i walked in the door, and i just wanted to fall over and cry. i'm so fucking sick of living this way, and being soo unhappy with everything. and loving things i'm not supposed to love. WHY the fuck would he tell me "oh, i have a girlfriend, it's just not offical yet"...?? wow..what the fuck do you want ME to do..throw you a party? fuck this shit. i'm so pissed right now, i just wanna go like throw things, and break shit. and matt. fucking christ matt. fuck him. seriously. i am so angry with my easyness to beleive words, and fall for people in seconds. the first look into his eyes, and i was hooked..and i don't fucking want it to be like that anymore, with anyone.
i wish i could just erase EVERYTHING i shared with you from my mind. i don't want to even remeber your name. i'm so angry with myself for giving you things i can never get back..and even more so, i'm so angry at myself for thinking you actually loved me, and would love me forever.
i'm a horrible fucking person, who just needs someone to depend on. i need to know someone is there to lean on when i'm feeling down..and for the past two and a half years, i have had no one. i really need to just get out of this body. i need to pull out this hair. and erase these wounds. i hate this. i hate you. i hate him.

I remember everything
The words we spoke on freezing South Street
And all those mornings watching you get ready for school
You combed your hair inside that mirror
The one you painted blue and glued with jewelry tears
Something about those bright colors
would always make you feel better
But now we speak with ruined tongues
And the words we say aren’t meant for anyone
It’s just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance
But there was once you
You said you hate my suffering
And you understood
And you’d take care of me
You'd always be there
Well where are you now?

..okay, now tell me those lyrics WERNT written for us. then tell me we never worked out.
10 french films| about trains.

dedalee. [05 Aug 2002|07:38pm]
[ mood | sticky. ]

ahh. i'm home. it feels so nice to be here..although i walked in to the smell of sausage. ack..!!
Vegas was actually a lot of fun. Minus the million degree weather, and horrible television. I discovered some new things out about myself, and realized what i don't want to be. Tallin and I had a blast. I could never, EVER live there though. Vegas dosn't like me. it makes me ugly, and it dosn't let me do my eyeliner even.
I of course found a hot boy, but let him go without anything happening, because i'm an idiot like that. Oh well. he prolly lived in like ethopia or somewhere lame.
I played a lot of Ms. Pacman, and realized that i am in love with Conor Oberest. The entire trip home, i just played "Haligh, haligh, a lie, haligh". i must have listened to that song one hundred plus time. The second verse just gets me.
Well..it's good to be home..but i can defentaly say Vegas made me a lot happier then i have been in the past few days..so vegas..thank you. a lot.

2 french films| about trains.

[02 Aug 2002|02:48am]
i have a confession to make..
i'm listening to avril lavigne and i'm enjoying it.
byebye glendale..hello vegas.
i'll miss you all.
leave me comments because you love me. ;)
19 french films| about trains.

double the fun. [01 Aug 2002|08:47pm]

uh. okay. hi. we're beth.
8 french films| about trains.

so i raise my glass to better times. [01 Aug 2002|07:53pm]
i'm falling apart. i'm forgetting the taste of your mouth. i'm walking in a straight line to failure.
...i worked from eleven to seven today, and i'm fucking beat.
rachel and jessica came and visited me. and i forgot how much rachel means to me. i wanted to cry when i first saw her, because i sometimes forget how close we really were. we decided to put the past behind us, and just start brand new.
i'm leaving for vegas tomorrow. i'm glad. i need to get out of this town and the same routine for a while. i need a break.
i can't stop listening to pinback. they could quite possibly become my favourite band soon.
soo many shows this coming week. i'm so excited. i need to get out. meet new people. see people i miss. just be fucking happy.
about trains.

tie me up and send me off. [01 Aug 2002|01:26am]
[ mood | who the fuck knows. ]

i feel like i cant control my body anymore.
my limbs feel numb.
i want to just kick and scream until the world notices me. I'm so scared of whats going to happen if i continue feeling this way, and continue to fall for people who have no intentions of starting anything with me.
when you think about life, and you look down, and see yourself in little boys batman underwear, eating soy delecious with a fork..you start to feel horrible, and think "this is your fucking life".
..i want need something to love in my life. something to be happy for. and right now, it's not there. it's this absent part. the missing peice to my puzzle.
i guess the only good thing about this state of mine, is it allows me to write great poetry. but what the fuck does that matter?
i feel like i could just scrape off every cell ive made of right now and fall into a puddle on the floor.
i don't want to be like this anymore. i fucking CANT be like this anymore.
<3a boy.<3

3 french films| about trains.

the city has sex with itself i suppose. [31 Jul 2002|07:05pm]

so uh, i went black again.
16 french films| about trains.

now youre in the world. [31 Jul 2002|11:15am]
[ mood | blahblah. ]

i used to see forever in your eyes, now i just hear forever in your good-byes.
2 french films| about trains.

[30 Jul 2002|11:16pm]
I'm standing on this corner. Can't get their attention. Facing rush hour faces turned around. I clutch my stack of paper, press one to a chest, then watch it swoop and stutter to the ground. I'm weary with right-angles, abbreviated daylight, and waiting for a winter to be done. Why do I still see you in every mirrored window, in all that I could never overcome? How I don't know what I should do with my hands when I talk to you. How you don’t know where you should look, so you look at my hands. How movements rise and then dissolve, melted by our shallow breath. How causes dance away from me. I am your pamphleteer. I walk this room in time to the beat of the Gestetner, contemplate my next communique. The rhetoric and treason of saying that I'll miss you. Of saying "Hey, well maybe you should stay." Sing "Oh what force on earth could be weaker than the feeble strength of one " like me remembering the way it could have been. Help me with this barricade. No surrender. No defeat. A spectre's haunting Albert Street. I am your pamphleteer.

he never ceased to amaze me
9 french films| about trains.

one more thing. [30 Jul 2002|07:31pm]
[ mood | deep sea. ]

i feel so invaded. i feel so imprisoned. questions like "i thought you were going to be admitted" and "we thought you killed yourself", arn't making it any better. It's so annoying how people treat you after you make a couple mistakes in life. I'm so sick of this town, and the plastic scent. I'm so afarid to move beyond my boundries, because i'm afarid it's going to be "looked down upon". i'm so tired of this act, and i'm so tired of pulling off another day. i just want to stop pretending and really be happy.

8 french films| about trains.

art is time. [29 Jul 2002|09:57pm]
[ mood | blues. ]

i was born to write, and every song by Modest Mouse is on the soundtrack to my life.
fable attraction.Collapse )

2 french films| about trains.

return of the flow. [29 Jul 2002|06:23pm]
[ mood | ugly. ]

i saw my girlfriend! i love jessica sooo much! she bought me clothes from France. Yes. i am OFFICAL euro trash girl. She chopped the bottom of my hair off, and i used all her "electric eel" Mac eyeshadow. mmm.
i should be at gogogo airheart, but i'm not. she couldn't drive me. le sigh.
i feel so icky right now. i just feel stupid. like no one cares, but alas..when do i NOT feel that way.
thursday= my braces, off. yesss.
k. this is lame, and no one cares. so byee.

1 french film| about trains.

... [28 Jul 2002|05:22pm]
[ mood | cut. ]

i'm not that basic i sware..
4 french films| about trains.

Fly. [28 Jul 2002|01:21pm]
[ mood | confussed in my own way. ]

Please give me a second grace.Please give me a second face.I've fallen far down The first time around, Now I just sit on the ground in your way. Now if it's time to recompense for what's done, Come, come sit down on the fence in the sun. And the clouds will roll by. And we'll never deny, It's really too hard for to fly. Please tell me your second name. Please play me your second game. I've fallen so far, For the people you are i just need your star for a day. So come, come ride in my street-car by the bay. For now I must know how fine you are in your way. And the sea sure as I But she won't need to cry. For it's really too hard for to fly.

3 french films| about trains.

i got fucking bored. [28 Jul 2002|02:36am]
[[FIRST & MIDDLE NAME:]] bethany sharayah.
[[NICKNAMES:]] bethy. foofee.
[[HAIR COLOR:]] blonde.
[[HAIR LENGTH:]] jawlength.
[[EYE COLOR:]] hazel.
[[HEIGHT:]] 5'2''
[[WEIGHT:]] fatt.
[[BIRTHDAY:]] november third.
[[LOCATION:]] glendale.
[[SHOE SIZE:]] seven and a half.
[[ZODIAC SIGN:]] scorpio.
[[SIBLINGS:]] no.
[[PETS:]] vinny, roxy, and chloe.


[[GENRE OF MUSIC:]] you.
[[MUSIC ARTIST:]] rilo kiley. the velvet underground. nick drake. bright eyes. and pavement.
[[MOVIE:]] the royal tenenbaums, seven, american beauty.
[[ACTOR:]] kevin spacey.
[[BRAND:]] yo mama.
[[LABEL:]] bah.
[[SONG:]] right now it would be "major leauges"//pavement.
[[WORD:]] cunt.
[[FOOD:]] hummus and flat bread.
[[DRINK:]] grape juice.
[[COLOR:]] pink.
[[NUMBER:]] 13.
[[CANDY:]] squintz.
[[TV SHOW:]] pepperann.
[[FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:]] taco bell.
[[GIRL NAME:]] riley.
[[BOY NAME:]] luke.
[[RADIO STATION:]] arrow.
[[ANIMAL:]] kitty.
[[STORES:]] forever 21. haha.
[[SCENT:]] old spice.
[[ICE CREAM FLAVOR:]] soy delecious peanut butter zig zag.
[[QUOTE:]] "stick it in your ass"
[[HOLIDAY:]] christmas.
[[DAY OF THE WEEK:]] friday.
[[MONTH:]] august.


[[GENRE OF MUSIC:]] nu metal.
[[MUSIC ARTIST:]] linkon park.
[[MOVIE:]] slc punk.
[[ACTOR:]] jesus.
[[BRAND:]] desiel.
[[SONG:]] bah.
[[WORD:]] moist.
[[FOOD:]] meat.
[[DRINK:]] coke.
[[COLOR:]] red.
[[NUMBER:]] 24.
[[CANDY:]] chocolate.
[[TV SHOW:]] american idol.
[[FAST FOOD RESTARAUNT:]] burger king.
[[GIRL NAME:]] jessica.
[[BOY NAME:]] greg.
[[RADIO STATION:]] yeah.
[[ANIMAL:]] no way.
[[STORES:]] wet seal.
[[SCENT:]] vanilla.
[[ICE CREAM FLAVOR:]] vinalla.
[[QUOTE:]] "d00d"
[[DAY OF THE WEEK:]] sunday.
[[MONTH:]] september.

[[DO YOU]]

[[THINK YOU SMART:]] sometimes.
[[SHAVE:]] yes.
[[HAVE ANY PIERCINGS:]] ears, nose, belly.
[[DO DRUGS:]] sometimes.
[[DRINK:]] sometimes.
[[HAVE SEX:]] not anymore.


[[SMOKED:]] yes.
[[DRANK:]] yes.
[[GOTTEN DRUNK:]] yes.
[[HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER:]] haha in like first grade.
[[BROKE THE LAW:]] yes.
[[KISSED A GIRL:]] yes.
[[KISSED A GUY:]] yes.
[[LAUGHED:]] yeah.
[[CRIED:]] yeah.
[[WANTED TO DIE:]] yes.
[[FARTED IN SCHOOL:]] i don't fart.
[[BEEN IN LOVE:]] yes.
[[HAD A MILK MUSTACHE:]] milk sucks.
[[GOTTEN INTO A FIGHT WITH YOUR PET:]] no. fucking weirdo.
[[HAD A MUD BATH:]] no.
[[WISHED YOU WERE THE OPPOSITE SEX:]] only so i could piss off a clif.


[[BLUE:]] black.
[[SOCKS:]] ew.
[[MIRROR:]] broken.
[[CRACKER:]] jack.
[[COW:]] aww.
[[FRANCE:]] jessica.
[[ZINE:]] gay.
[[AOL:]] my life.
[[JELLY:]] jam.
[[FISH:]] disgusting.


[[WROTE YOU A NOTE:]] tom.
[[CALLED YOU:]] cortney.
[[KISSED YOU:]] matt.
[[HUGGED YOU:]] talya.
[[EMAILED YOU:]] livejournal.
[[WAS MEAN TO YOU:]] everyone.
[[SAID THEY HATED YOU:]] everyone.


[[WHAT WILL YOU NAME YOUR KIDS:]] riley and luke.
[[WHERE WILL YOU LIVE:]] my anus.


[[WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE:]] infussium for my dryed hairrrrr.
[[THE 3 BEST INSIDE JOKES YOU HAVE:]] poofy. sitting on a park bench. lil devil!
[[WHAT KIND OF SHOES DO YOU WEAR:]] payless and converse.
[[HOW DO YOU EAT AN OREO:]] i dont.
[[DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST KISS:]] haha. awww the boy lives in egypt now.
3 french films| about trains.

LIVEJOURNAL! [28 Jul 2002|12:24am]
[ mood | im a devil! ]

Went to the Colbalt tonight. Met up with Cortney and Jil. My jenny couldn't make it :/ le sigh. We had a blast though. From the jesus uni-bomber, to the pipe player, to the roach that wanted to dance..we had fun. I love it. I also met Lindsey, finally. Me and Jil are going to star on SNL, so watch out foos.
I'm bored, and Matt already went to sleep. so BLAH.
...I knew seeing you wouldn't make anything better..i couldn't even come up with the words to say to you. I know you hate me, i can't even look at you.
My jessica is home!! yayyyyy!!
kk bye.

3 french films| about trains.

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